


Seeking Out Remus

by innerslytherin



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-15
Updated: 2010-01-15
Packaged: 2017-10-06 08:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innerslytherin/pseuds/innerslytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus just wants a little privacy, but people seek him out in the oddest of places.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeking Out Remus

Remus has been expecting Harry to ask to speak with him, but he hasn't been expecting to be waylaid en route to the shower.  Remus has been dreaming of this shower for ages, with the sort of longing usually reserved for dark chocolate and Darjeeling and Severus.  Suppressing a sigh and the urge to glance at the clock, Remus shrugs and beckons him into the bathroom.  It's as private as one ever manages at the Burrow, and it's the warmest room upstairs, besides.  He hunkers down against the wall while Harry puts the toilet lid down and sits.

"What's wrong, Harry?"

"I don't understand why you won't believe me."  The boy looks unhappy, but it isn't the petulant expression Remus had been expecting.

"About Malfoy and Severus, you mean?" Remus asks, though he doesn't need to.

"They're plotting together!" Harry insists.  "And Dumbledore just ignores everything I say about it!  I don't understand why he won't listen!  And you won't listen, and Mr Weasley won't listen—"

Remus interrupts gently.  "Don't you suppose there's a reason for that, Harry?"  He smiles and shrugs.  "Dumbledore is the wisest man I know.  It's true that even he is capable of making mistakes, but I still trust his judgment more than any other person's.  I am not about to question him about Severus."

Harry frowns and looks down.  "Even after what I heard them talking about?"

"Harry, has it occurred to you that Severus might have been trying to find out so he can thwart Malfoy?"

"I knew you'd say that," Harry mutters.

Remus looks at him with a kind expression.  "Then why did you ask?"

Harry gets a mulish expression on his face.  "I have to try, don't I?  It's just like last year all over again.  I'm trying to tell people something and they won't listen."

Remus sighs.  He supposes it is up to him to be the reasonable father-figure sort of person in Harry's life, now that Sirius is gone, but he has absolutely no idea how to go about it, and he's been so disconnected from everyone, not just Harry, that he's at a loss for what to say.  "Harry, I appreciate what you are trying to do.  And I'm certain Dumbledore does, too.  But I wish you could trust us to know more about the overall situation than you do.  It isn't because we don't trust you—far from it."  His smile is strained.  "Dumbledore confides in you more than he does the rest of us, regarding some things, Harry.  But Dumbledore is also Draco's headmaster, and even if Draco does not trust Albus, Albus must remain trustworthy for him.  Do you understand that?"

"Even if Malfoy's a Death Eater?" Harry bursts out.

"Especially then," Remus says solemnly.

"That's stupid!"

Remus cocks his head.  "Is it?" he asks.  He considers Severus, considers where they would be if Severus had not, ultimately, found Dumbledore trustworthy.  "Even the Death Eaters keep their word when dealing with their friends.  It takes a truly noble man to deal honestly with his enemies.  Albus Dumbledore is such a man."

Harry frowns.  "Then why does he have you spying on the werewolves?"

Remus smiles.  "' Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.'"1

"What?"

Remus shakes his head.  "While it is important to deal honestly with your enemies, it is equally important to know them."

"You're a confusing man, Professor Lupin."

This startles Remus into laughing.  "Thank you, Harry.  Considering my current line of work, I shall take that as praise indeed."

Shaking his head, Harry goes out the door, leaving Remus to have his shower in peace.

 

Remus tilts his head back, relishing the force with which the hot water pounds against his skull.  He has spent far too many months being cold and dirty; he considers this the best present he's been given this Christmas.  He works the shampoo through his hair and rinses it, then does it again.  His hair is longer than it has ever been; it brushes his shoulders, and the grey at the temples has grown into whole streaks of grey.  Appalled at his appearance, Molly offered to trim it for him when he first arrived, but he had declined with a smile, explaining that Greyback preferred it long.  She still doesn't understand why this matters.  Considering how hard Remus has worked to earn the trust of his peers after his supposedly unsuccessful attempt at living among wizards, it would be foolish to conform to society by trimming his hair.  Besides, Severus likes it this way.

Soaping his body, Remus examines the new scars; they aren't healing as well as they used to.  He doesn't know if it's because he's older, or because he no longer has Poppy Pomfrey tending his wounds.  Either way, he supposes it doesn't matter.  Werewolves collect scars the way Hagrid collects dangerous creatures, and Remus has long since been used to it.

He rinses off, watching the water run across ribs that show, tracing down sharp-edged hips.  His clothes are too big for him these days, and he can't afford to replace them.  He knows it makes him look shabby, but he also knows that if Molly Weasley saw him without a shirt, she would never let him go back to the werewolves.  Severus hasn't commented on it—but then he hasn't seen Severus since Bonfire Night, and he knows he's lost at least a stone since then.  The winter has not been a good one.

He is towelling off when someone knocks on the bathroom door.  "Remus?"

It's Bill's voice, and they have an easy enough working relationship.  "Come in," he calls, and the tall redhead lets himself in.

"Sorry to break in on your morning toilette, but this is the only place a bloke can get some privacy," Bill says, grinning, as he drops comfortably to sit in the same spot Harry had occupied earlier.  Remus wonders briefly why his shower is the only one that gets interrupted, but decides it doesn't really matter.

Remus scrubs his towel over his hair.  "What's on your mind, Bill?"

Bill's looking over him.  "You've lost weight, mate.  You keeping all right?"

"I'm fine."  Remus' voice is clipped, and he regrets it; now Bill will know it's a sensitive subject.  It's far easier to deflect people's interest by being pleasant; if you get defensive, it reveals your weaknesses.

"Don't get your back up," Bill says comfortably.  "I reckon we've all got secrets we're keeping.  Some more than others."

Remus wants to ask him what this is about, but that would reveal too much, too.  Remus prefers to keep himself private and wait for people to volunteer things.  Instead he slides on a pair of boxers and waits for the other man to speak.

"Have you seen Tonks lately?"

Remus hides a sharp look by turning to grab his shirt.  "I'm not sure why everyone comes to me with questions about Tonks," he says mildly.  "I barely know the girl.  She was closer to Sirius than to me."

"Well, that's the thing," Bill says, and the uncertain note in his voice tells Remus this is why Bill has sought him out.  "I wondered if you knew Mum's trying to play matchmaker."

Remus raises an eyebrow but says nothing.  He buttons his shirt very precisely, watching Bill.

"She's determined Tonks needs someone to take care of her, and she thinks you're lonely."  Bill fiddles with his earring and looks away.  "Mum's furious with Fleur because she won't help with the little project.  Fleur just snorts and says you're the wrong sort of man to fancy Tonks, though I haven't the slightest idea what that means."

Remus turns away again for his trousers, this time to hide a look of amusement.  He knows exactly what it means; trust Fleur to cotton on to his sexual preferences before any of the wholly delightful and wholly "normal" Weasleys.  Ah, the French.  "Well, she's quite correct; I admire Tonks as an Auror, and I consider her a friend, but I am not interested in her otherwise," Remus replies.  That, he thinks, is a safe response.

Bill is nodding when Remus turns around again.  "I've tried telling Mum to leave you be," he says.  "It's only got me in trouble.  You know what she's like; convinced she's right, even if you two don't realize it yet."

Remus makes a wry face and nods his understanding.  "I appreciate the heads-up," he says.  "Your mother has asked me to look in on Tonks from time to time, but I assumed it was because Sirius and I were close.  Tonks looked up to Sirius, and from what I've gathered, she blames herself for his death.  She seems to think if she'd been able to beat her Aunt Bellatrix, Sirius would still be alive."  He sighs.  "I have told her time and again that Sirius was a proud and active man, and the time he spent cooped up inside Grimmauld Place made him reckless."

Something about his voice changes when he speaks of Sirius; Remus knows this, and has yet to learn to mask it--there are too many emotions surrounding the memory of his longtime friend and onetime lover.  Bill studies his face for a moment, and finally laughs.  "Merlin, _that's_ what she meant."  He stops laughing, but keeps his gaze on Remus' face.  "You're gay."

Remus looks back at him calmly.  "Inasmuch as a werewolf can think about relationships, I do prefer men, yes," he replies.

"Mum wouldn't know what to do if she found out about that."  Bill shakes his head.  "I don't know what to tell you, mate.  It's your business, but unless Mum finds out you're taken or, you know, interested in men, she's going to keep trying to push Tonks off on you."

"And what Nymphadora wants has nothing to do with it, I suppose," Remus remarks.

Bill looks uncomfortable.  "I don't think Tonks would much mind, Remus.  You're a fit bloke that everyone likes, and you're fun to be around.  Mum didn't have to work hard to convince Tonks."

"Bloody hell," Remus says in a resigned tone of voice.  This can come to no good in the end.  He sighs and finishes tying his shoes.  "Well, thanks for letting me know, Bill.  I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I come to it."

Bill nods and claps a hand on Remus' shoulder, which surprises him.  People don't generally touch him, especially immediately after learning about either his lycanthropy or his sexual preferences.  "Hang in there, mate.  I know it's tough, what you're doing.  You're due some happiness, I reckon.  I'll try to keep Mum off your back."

Remus gives him a rare grin, and then Bill lets himself out.

**Author's Note:**

> Scripture quoted is Matthew 10:16 KJV.


End file.
